remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i will never coherently bang her
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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