I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
