I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
