Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
