I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
