**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
