glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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