you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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