Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
