So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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