tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
