My room smells like vodka and shame
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
