Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
