When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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