david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
