Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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