He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
