She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
