she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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