If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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