What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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