I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
