The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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