That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
we made out on top of his cat.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
