batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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