Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
