If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
