dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
