i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
