Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
