its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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