I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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