two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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