I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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