How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
