We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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