there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
