she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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