when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
