Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize