How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
His nipple licking is glorious
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