Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize