I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
