dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
