3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
i need some magic done to my vagina
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
