i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
