Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
