I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
