you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
