I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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