i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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