D3 body, D1 cock
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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