nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
