...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
