Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
