Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
