Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Randomize
