the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
