I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize