I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
