Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize