the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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