I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Holy sore nipples Batman
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
