I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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