I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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