i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
