i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
