A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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