just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
