You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
