So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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