He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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