I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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