Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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