Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize